if i can run in heels then i can drive
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
