Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
