watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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