good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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