bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
