no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
