my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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