bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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