You're completely useless in the revolution.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
