i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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