he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
