Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
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