sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
