I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
