you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
