Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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