I puked a lego.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
