i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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