you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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