It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me pour olive oil on her.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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