Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
