I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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