Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
