drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
