i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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