just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
