oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
