yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
