I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
