Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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