After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
