she woke up with a sticky ear
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
