Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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