either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
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He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
This is the high leading the old right now
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
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Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
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