When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
