i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
