He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
