You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
