Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
