yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
