he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
