Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
