i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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