we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
There are leaves in my underwear?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
