it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
