I feel like abortions should bother me more
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
