at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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