I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
