Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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