i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
