is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
