my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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