My first STD was from a foam party
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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