Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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