I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
