ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
