In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
