I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
