When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
