you guys were way drunker than both of me
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
