I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
