Just cropdusted the office
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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