All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
he puts the penis in happiness.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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