Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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