i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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