I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
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