Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
