What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
