Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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