A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
