I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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