yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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