Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
