i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
