I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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