LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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