respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
