We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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