I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
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