so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
