You can't motorboat a personality
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
