I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
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