babies were throwing up all over the place
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
