sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
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